Is it June yet???

I do not want to have a pity party for myself in any way, but this year has absolutely sucked. Like, I am doing things that I have never done before. It is like I am lost and I can't find my way. Today I did the same unthinking thing I did 2 months ago, now, I don't think I have a job on the weekends. Shame on me once, I got a second chance and ruined it. I DON'T DO THAT! That is not me. I will honestly say, that I told my friends NO last night and didn't go out drinking and I checked my alarms 5 times, yet they still didn't go off. I don't know if it is the year or my charlie brown cloud, but this past week I have had to deal with 2 flat tires. The first flat was on Thursday morning. Thank goodness, I was able to use my moms car, but when I called AAA to change my tire, the fat ass was too lazy so he just filled it back with air. Luckily it worked until I got to USA tire. Then Friday, 11 hours after I got my car from the tire place, I got another flat tire. This time however I had 4 drunk guys change it, and THANK the LORD I got home safely without it falling off! So that has just been my week.

NOW, today. I didn't know what to do. I went and got gas and then just drove. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I ended up at church. Two things about that. The how service was centered on spreading love, just like my first post said. It is awesome to share your faith and journey with people, but if you are kind, caring and nice to others, they will ask you about it. Then you can get into the whole God and Jesus thing. But you must show the quote "holy spirit". It was very enlightening. I even cried during the prayer because the pastor said something about asking for forgiveness for our sins, and asking for prayers of others that need prayers. I still don't know why I was supposed to be there, but I know that was where I was supposed to be this morning, not at work. It sucks, and I feel awful. I was irresponsible about missing work, but I think I was in the right place. The second thing that happened at church was I received old pictures from when I was in the 7th grade from a lockin I went to. It was the lockin I got my first "kiss" at while my friend Brian was hiding behind the couch and we were supposed to be playing underground church. Instead we would "play" but then go to the nursery and play truth or dare (in the dark mind you). I was dying. These pictures are priceless and AMAZING! It gave me a little chuckle today.

I know my life is not over, but I just feel like everything is crashing on me. School is not going well....at all. I am barely passing any of my classes. Things are popping up with ex friends that are just bringing me down. Part of me is saying to break ties with anyone who is associated with them, but that would include members of my family and someone of my best friends. I can't do that, plus she would win and I CAN'T have that. :) I will ALWAYS win.

My parents party went amazing! The end was not so good, I was a bitch to my family and kicked them out of my hotel room when they woke me up because they jumped on me and were smoking ($250 fine--ah hell no). Yes they shouldn't have done that but I went a little psycho. I admit it. But, the party... dang son, I should be a wedding planner. It was great! Everyone had a great time and mom and dad will remember it forever. Realization--I need a wedding planner because I will be a Bridezilla if things do not go as planned, psycho switch will be flipped. :)

I went to my friend Elaine's wedding. She was so beautiful! Her and her new husband are adorable together. I wish them all the happiness in the world. It was a hard realization though, graduating with her and now seeing her get married, that could be me anytime. I am not ready for that. In the words of my friend Sarah, "I am selfish to be married right now, I like not sharing" :). Great quote. It is very interesting because all my friends are either getting married or having children while I am taking victory laps through college. YAY 6 year plan! lol

Finally booked Germany tickets, we are not going to Paris before :( bummer. BUT we are going so that is a plus. I think that is all for now. I am trying to be positive and I will continue to strive for success and greatness. Making a difference is still my main priority. Oh but instead of a song quote I will be quoting a whole song. This is my new outlook on petty people and different drama filled situations in my life. It is also my feelings about trying to break out of my charlie brown cycle. I feel trapped inside a world sometimes that isn't mine. Because my world is bigger than these problems. Only when you take responsibility for your actions will you truly enter your world. It is by 3 doors down and it is called My World.


"My World"

Your stuck on a chain
And your toeing a lie
Seems like everytime that you catch up
You only fall behind

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
But that's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
That's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me

There is always someone to blame
For the things you do yourself
You think that everything that's going wrong
Is because of someone else

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
That's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
It's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me [2x]

Cause I'm on the outside and I'm looking in

And that's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
It's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me...