Great Ending

Moms card here I did come! Lol

Not really. Mom and I went shopping and we did 7 shops in an hour and ate sushi and cheesecake the other hour. Don't mess with us! Debrief was actually helpful to me today. It talked about expectations and how the only expectation you should really have is the one for Christ. When all the let downs happen to your expectations, then you should know that those thing happen for reasons we don't understand but it will all be ok with Christ. Very Profound. :)

Side note---Chris looks like my buddy Mike from Cincinnati and it is really freaking me out. Like mannerism, laughs and looks. Creeping me out. Seriously.

So Far So Good

Totally have been exhausted the last couple days and haven't updated the world on Berlin. Friday was a fun day. After we sat through the tiring morning of "lecture" we got out kid assignments and went to the school to decorate. FINALLY things are starting to look like what I signed up for. No more evangelistic outlooks. Our room will be so much fun! I am paired with a girl named Laura and she is an early childhood education major and we have two kids to tutor. Why they stuck the preschool teacher and the early education major together I will never know! I think our smart thoughts should be separated! But since they are not, we will have the most fun group in the place! Everyone will want to be in our tutor group! Anyways, after we went to the school we went to the Berlin wall. It was actually fun. Well maybe fun isn't the right word. It was very rewarding. I was able to see where the wall ran and parts of the actual wall. There was a memorial set up in the middle of the no mans land that had wall parts, memorial for the people who died and models showing where everything had once been.

So call it the stupid internet connection here at the hotel but I now am FINALLY able to finish my last post. The Berlin wall, breath taking. So much history to learn and not so much time.

On Saturday we went to Whittenberg. There we say the church where Martin Luther preached

and is laid to rest. We rode trains to get to and from, which was a neat experience since I haven't

done that since France. While we were there, it was SO hot. Actually it has been incredibly hot for the whole time! It was 100 degrees today! Unbelievable. But the problem was that no one would give us ice. Culturally they don't use ice because it is actually bad for you. You know

those Germans doing everything the healthy way,

except for the whole drinking and smoking thing :) While in the museum/house of Martin Luther mom and I came across two enclosed rooms full of books.

Old books that no one can touch because they are so fragile and valuable. What I would give to be in there, looking at them. Man oh man. That night I was really wanting to watch Germany play in the World Cup for 3rd place but we had been in the sun all day and I was exhausted. It seems to be the trend. I have been more tired than I would normally be in the states, AND I am getting at least 10 hours of sleep a night. Crazy stuff.

Sunday was fun. We took a 30 min ride to a church in West Berlin. That was neat because I was able to see how their churches were set up. Sermon was long and the translating ear phones hurt, plus it was sooooo hot. Don't the Germans believe in air conditioning? This is insane! After the wonderful 5 hours of free time, we went and had dinner at the Elmericks house. It was so nice of them to open their home. Their kids are just so cute! We had fellowship, debrief and of course yummy food. I stayed up late however because I wanted to finish my book, The Last Song. It hit home too close. Made me cry, but so did the movie.

Today was a good day. We started English Camp!!! The whole reason I am here. And of course I would get a challenging student. She wasn't really wanting to participate but I think all and all out tutor session went well with both our kids. However, downfall of life. So many stairs!! I am so tired of walking and going up and down stairs. I better be losing some weight! I haven't had any fried foods or beer either! :( Hopefully it will help kick start my body into shape!

Tonight we are going shopping! Moms credit card here I come! lol just kidding. Or am I??

Has it gotten better?

Lets just say that I am here to do Gods work. Not preach Gods will and way. I am his hands and feet, not his voice. I guess this is where the missionaries and I don't see eye to eye. I have learned today that though I would love to be a missionary, there would have to be some stipulations. For one being that I will not be preaching and spreading evangelism. I will be his hands, doing the work he is not able to. Leading by example and showing love through my actions will be how I will lead people to Christ. Well maybe there isn't really a place for me to mission out there and maybe I am in the right major and international social work is my real calling I don't really know.

Today was an interesting day to say the least. We started off in workshop, which could have been fun except it was like school. We were learning about culture. Not just the German culture but also reflecting upon our culture back home. What is my culture? What have I taken from my culture and what have I left behind? I truly believe that you must be open to differenced in order to be culturally competent.

After the fun filled day of lessons and crafts, we had some free time! Mom and I ventured out on our own and went shopping. On her credit card! That I don't have to pay back! :) I love vacationing with her! She doesn't know where there is an H&M in Ohio so she was excited for me. (We won't tell her there is one in Kenwood). After dinner out in a cafe, we went on this prayer walk. There isn't much I can say about it except it was truly weird and I don't want to ever do it again. I believe that God sees the things happening in the world and he needs us to do something about it not walk around and pray on it. He gave us two feet to work, not sit.

But the room is sleeping and it is dark and I am loud. Tata for now! (Germany 1 Africa 3) :)

We have arrived

The time has come! We are in Berlin! After a long flight with NO personal TV (Germany 0 Africa 1) we finally arrived in Berlin. Honestly it wasn't as bad as I thought except that I really wished we knew the language. Just the simple things like "Thank you", "excuse me" and "please". Because of our jetlag I look a 2 hour nap which turned out to be worse for me in the end. I was sooo exhausted after the nap, I thought it was cold outside and not sunny so I left my glasses in the room. All of those things were false. Needless to say, it was a really rough 5 hour workshop today of learning the metro, history of the organization and seeing not experiencing the city. (Germany 0 Africa 2). Another thing is we received our schedules today, it is so structured. I am barely going to be able to shop at all. It is a bummer. Not as laid back. Again, Germany 0 Africa 3.

I am pissed, excuse my language, but the fact that Germany is playing Spain in the world cup today and I am so tired that I need to sleep makes me so mad. They are all partying right now but if I don't get sleep, tomorrow will be just like today and I don't want that. So everyone cheer for Germany! That way I can watch it on Sunday!! GO GERMANY!!

That is all for now. Talk to you all tomorrow! Lets hope God gives me the strength to not kill the members of my group and begin to enjoy Germany. It has some catching up to do.

Think about it

FINALLY JUNE!

So it is finally June, actually it is almost July! Time for Germany! I can not wait! Life is starting to look up. I have just finished my first week at the Daycare, camp teachers Sparkle and Spaz are back for the 2nd year in a row! This will be a short entry, lots to do, but Life couldn't be better right now. I will write more later, 14 days til I leave for Germany! Then I will be touching someones life everyday! I can't wait!!!!

Is it June yet???

I do not want to have a pity party for myself in any way, but this year has absolutely sucked. Like, I am doing things that I have never done before. It is like I am lost and I can't find my way. Today I did the same unthinking thing I did 2 months ago, now, I don't think I have a job on the weekends. Shame on me once, I got a second chance and ruined it. I DON'T DO THAT! That is not me. I will honestly say, that I told my friends NO last night and didn't go out drinking and I checked my alarms 5 times, yet they still didn't go off. I don't know if it is the year or my charlie brown cloud, but this past week I have had to deal with 2 flat tires. The first flat was on Thursday morning. Thank goodness, I was able to use my moms car, but when I called AAA to change my tire, the fat ass was too lazy so he just filled it back with air. Luckily it worked until I got to USA tire. Then Friday, 11 hours after I got my car from the tire place, I got another flat tire. This time however I had 4 drunk guys change it, and THANK the LORD I got home safely without it falling off! So that has just been my week.

NOW, today. I didn't know what to do. I went and got gas and then just drove. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I ended up at church. Two things about that. The how service was centered on spreading love, just like my first post said. It is awesome to share your faith and journey with people, but if you are kind, caring and nice to others, they will ask you about it. Then you can get into the whole God and Jesus thing. But you must show the quote "holy spirit". It was very enlightening. I even cried during the prayer because the pastor said something about asking for forgiveness for our sins, and asking for prayers of others that need prayers. I still don't know why I was supposed to be there, but I know that was where I was supposed to be this morning, not at work. It sucks, and I feel awful. I was irresponsible about missing work, but I think I was in the right place. The second thing that happened at church was I received old pictures from when I was in the 7th grade from a lockin I went to. It was the lockin I got my first "kiss" at while my friend Brian was hiding behind the couch and we were supposed to be playing underground church. Instead we would "play" but then go to the nursery and play truth or dare (in the dark mind you). I was dying. These pictures are priceless and AMAZING! It gave me a little chuckle today.

I know my life is not over, but I just feel like everything is crashing on me. School is not going well....at all. I am barely passing any of my classes. Things are popping up with ex friends that are just bringing me down. Part of me is saying to break ties with anyone who is associated with them, but that would include members of my family and someone of my best friends. I can't do that, plus she would win and I CAN'T have that. :) I will ALWAYS win.

My parents party went amazing! The end was not so good, I was a bitch to my family and kicked them out of my hotel room when they woke me up because they jumped on me and were smoking ($250 fine--ah hell no). Yes they shouldn't have done that but I went a little psycho. I admit it. But, the party... dang son, I should be a wedding planner. It was great! Everyone had a great time and mom and dad will remember it forever. Realization--I need a wedding planner because I will be a Bridezilla if things do not go as planned, psycho switch will be flipped. :)

I went to my friend Elaine's wedding. She was so beautiful! Her and her new husband are adorable together. I wish them all the happiness in the world. It was a hard realization though, graduating with her and now seeing her get married, that could be me anytime. I am not ready for that. In the words of my friend Sarah, "I am selfish to be married right now, I like not sharing" :). Great quote. It is very interesting because all my friends are either getting married or having children while I am taking victory laps through college. YAY 6 year plan! lol

Finally booked Germany tickets, we are not going to Paris before :( bummer. BUT we are going so that is a plus. I think that is all for now. I am trying to be positive and I will continue to strive for success and greatness. Making a difference is still my main priority. Oh but instead of a song quote I will be quoting a whole song. This is my new outlook on petty people and different drama filled situations in my life. It is also my feelings about trying to break out of my charlie brown cycle. I feel trapped inside a world sometimes that isn't mine. Because my world is bigger than these problems. Only when you take responsibility for your actions will you truly enter your world. It is by 3 doors down and it is called My World.


"My World"

Your stuck on a chain
And your toeing a lie
Seems like everytime that you catch up
You only fall behind

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
But that's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
That's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me

There is always someone to blame
For the things you do yourself
You think that everything that's going wrong
Is because of someone else

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
That's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
It's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me [2x]

Cause I'm on the outside and I'm looking in

And that's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
It's not the world I live in
This is not the life for me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me
Cause my world is bigger than your problems
And it's bigger than me...

So have you made a difference yet? :)

Haven't wrote in a while and I know that. Remember, I suck at keeping up on things. Life has had some ups and downs lately. I hate school and I always will, it's just a hurtle I need to get through so I can make more than $9 an hour :). My parents party is coming together--hola at me if you want to come! I am a GREAT party planner! lol. Having some issues with the club and some personal struggles. I need to stop jumping to conclusions. I stand by my initial reaction because what happened was wrong, but now knowing both sides of the story, I am able to empathize with both and now I am between a rock and a hard place. But things happen for reasons and they will all work out in the end. I have to believe that.

My devotional book and new tee shirt came in the mail today for my Germany trip. I am going to be honest, I love my shirt! but I don't think I will be using the devotional, I am not very good at that either. :/ But the trip is 2 months away and mom and I don't have plane tickets yet! They are being estimated at like 1500 each! That is insane! plus there is an extra charge for luggage. FAIL on the airlines. They suck! But Like I said, things will work out the way they are supposed to!

Hmmm what else has April brought, oh all my tests for my special doctor came back negative! (Not that you need to know details, so I am not giving them to you! :P) Just know I am healthy! My dad is stable, yeah thats the way to put it, he hasn't been having many issues lately and is playing out more than ever! He has actually been in the studio the past couple days recording. He loves it! I hope to record again soon. Hopefully dad and I can write a song together and sing a duet. Speaking of writing, I wrote a couple songs, but really need someone with a guitar or piano to help me come up with a tune. haha. Hmmmm, I am thinking that is all for now. Wow, my life is boring and not really eventful this month. But I guess that is a real good thing :). BUT I am watching Kendra right now and I love this! haha

That is all for now---just rememeber, make a difference in someone's life. Sometimes the smallest gesture can mean the world to someone else.

“It’s hard to explain how a few precious things seem to follow throughout our lives.” –Kenny Loggins Pooh Corner

Who am I?

Today I was watching one of my favorite shows in the world, One Tree Hill. Now I am going to give you a minute to laugh at me or to shake your head like "yeah thats a good show".............................................................Ok, we are now on the same level. So I truly believe that these characters are real people and the things they say can really make a difference in y our life. Today, Mouth, the perfect boy next door who is so caring makes you think, where the men are in this world that are like him? The boy who likes you for you and who only cares about what is inside your heart. Which brings me to why I am talking about Mouth. There is a girl named Rachel who is a complete bitch (for lack of better words). When she was in middle school and freshman year she was a "fat girl." She hated herself, so she got plastic surgery done. Boobs, stomach stapled, nose job, the works. When Mouth found out about this, he told her "I wish I would have known that girl because I could have loved her, why did you change her? Do you still walk down the halls and want to be accepted? Nothing has changed, just your looks." WHERE ARE THESE MEN! So sweet. But I am not really interested in the man of this situation, I am interested in Rachel and her views of who she is and what she wanted to change.

So, Who are you? Who am I? Well, my name is Jamie Marie and according to some of my friends, I am a "neurotic hot mess." I wear my heart on my sleeve and hate telling the hard truth because I don't want to hurt other people. I am VERY blunt in certain situations and I have an opinion on EVERYTHING. I can be forward, and I can be shy. I can drink like a fish and party all night or I can stay in and watch movies on a Saturday night. I am adaptable to situations so much as to live in the ghetto of Cincinnati to the upscale CEOs of Dayton. I have a huge, loud mouth and I am not afraid to use it. I tend to spill more info than needed, but I can sometimes keep secrets, it depends. I can look in the mirror sometimes and hate myself for being a size 14, but other days I can look at myself and say "Damn, looking good!" I would love to be a size 4, but with a big ass, I can loose all I want in the stomach but my pant size isnt' going to change very much. Sure there are lots of things I would love to change about myself, but if you can't accept who you are, and embrace it, life will pass you by. Look at the positive, see the good in yourself, not just the bad.

So who are you? What are your likes and dislikes? What are your fears? These are the questions we must ask ourselves daily, but not just that, we must ask the hard ones. What is it you like about yourself (physical appearance)? What about something you like about your personality? I know you know the negatives about yourself, that is human, but what about the positive. Figure out who you are as a person and be that. If you don't like the direction you are heading, or who you are, change it. It is NEVER too late to make a change. Be who you want to be one step at a time. Just remember, everyone is beautiful in their own way, everyone is loved and cared about by someone. You may not see that everyday, but believe it, you are loved no matter what you look like, so be who you are and embrace that person.


“Where you go through life, So sure of where you’re headin', And you wind up lost and it's the best thing that could have happened, ‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well, Because you find yourself” –Brad Paisley

Mean what you say

So, I am going to try and blog.  Started my day off all about me! I have had a stressful March and wanted to start April off on the right foot.  Got frustrated with my parents, listened to music and calmed down.  Then, they changed things again.  Frustrating.  I took a stress relieving bath with candles, calming music and spa beads while thinking about how I can get rid of all the stressors in my life.  This is my solution.  Because I feel alone, all the time, I am going to write about my life.  You can read and listen to my frustrations, advice and life or you can ignore it, I don't care either way.  Sooooo here we go.  

There are two things in my life I have always wanted to do.  The first is be a mother, that will happen in time, not as worried about it as I was in March.  (See stupid month).  The second is make a difference.  This is what I have named my blog.  For the past couple years actually, I have lost sight of who I was at the core, but also figured out my strengths and weaknesses while making great friends along the way. See making a difference can happen in many different ways.  You can make a difference in one persons life, one culture or society as a whole.  In high school I loved making a difference.  I was always needed and wanted.  I was mamma Jamie (I was reminded of this friday, something I forgot about) and I was always there for everyone.  I worked as a sports trainer, sometimes I don't think those fieldhockey girls would survive without me, but they did. :)  I also volunteered at a food pantry and helped local families with food, all while being a nanny to my first child Dana.  I am so proud of her! My centerville football cheerleader and #1 Tops cheerleader.  I left all of my happiness to shoot for some dreams to make a difference and went to college.  I tried to be mamma Jamie, but wasn't.  I had to create a new identity.  I drank, and had a GREAT time.  But, I lost myself in Cincinnati.  It was like I left who I was in Dayton.  I joined a sorority to create more friends, do some philanthropy work and become me on a broader level.  It taught me a lot, but I still hadn't found my place in life.  Took a "volunteered" year off, and by volunteered I mean mom and dad cut me off and I had to work full time to pay my bills.  Turned out, best year ever.  I have never felt so independent, so empowered.  I was good at my job, I loved my job.  

This past summer 2009, I went to Zambia, Africa.  Life changing. Sometimes I wish I would have started a blog for that trip, but too late now.  In Zambia I worked on a farm called Sons of Thunder.  I watched and played with orphaned children, I watched a child die of malnutrition and held a child who had AIDs.  I watched two orphan children go home with their biological father.  One little girl, was smiling and so happy.  But the other little boy, didn't crack a smile.  His heart was so broken.  He was leaving the only family he had known, the 5 women workers and 24 brother and sisters (the other orphans).  I watched as the missionary, took the little boy into her arms, talk to him, explain to him why he had to go.  It was the worst thing, but I know that it was what was right for him.  He would be reunited with his siblings and have more attention devoted to him by his family.  Needless to say this trip changed my life.  So much to the fact, I came back to the states, put in my two weeks at my job (which I LOVED), moved back to Dayton, changed schools and majors all the while moving back in with mom and dad.  

Now the past 9 months has not been no picnic.  It started off wonderful, I became treasurer of the Social Work club @ Sinclair (Community College that is), I was getting along with m & d (which I didn't think would happen), and I rekindled lost friendships that had been put on hold since moving to Cincy.  Things were starting to look up in my life.  Then 2010 hit.  So far hasn't been the best year of my life.  I have lost two of my best friends and have almost completely lost all my friends in Cincinnati, one of my very best friends in Dayton, Lauren went through Chemotherapy for breast cancer at 22 and I did the unthinkable and missed work because I overslept (something I have NEVER done before--and may be fired in the next month--hopefully not but you never know, I screwed up).  Not everything has been so bad  I got accepted into the program at Wright State and officially have a graduation date, Spring 2012!  Plus, my parents are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in May, it gives me hope that marriages do last.  

So, why blog?  I love to write, and personally I think I am pretty damn good at it :).  Plus sometimes it is good to get things off your chest and write about them.  Also I am doing it so that unlike Zambia, I can blog about my next trip which is GERMANY!  I am going to Germany in July to teach children how to speak English, while spreading Gods love.  Now I know you are thinking, "Whoa! hold up Jamie, you are talking about God!! No way!"  I know I know, it isn't something I like to openly talk about, but hey this is the internet and I can just type away and not have to listen to anyones response.  So, I am going to talk myself through a struggle I have been having.

You know I was really involved in high school and it was like the time when I truly knew myself, but before that, I was really depressed.  You see me wanting to be a mother runs very deep inside me, I think because I have always wanted a sibling.  A little baby to have around the house, to play with, feed and take care of (I know, I like to care of people, sometimes it is a problem and I know that).  In October of 2000, my mother, someone who can not conceive (I was a petri dish baby) found out she was pregnant.  I was 12 at the time, my dreams and prayers finally coming true.  On February 24, 2001, my brother Benjamin David came into this world as a still born baby, breaking my heart.  I blamed God, I hated him.  He took my brother away from me and I didn't want anything to do with him at all.  It wasn't until Young life camp 2005, 4 years later where I found peace with his death, and it was by finally accepting that things happen for reasons we don't understand, but believing that there is purpose in the events of life and the decisions we make gets us through the horrible times in life.  I went from crying everyday about my brothers death for 4 years to only crying one time since that day in Rockbridge Virginia.  

So, going to Zambia, seeing God through all these women and men and children makes me think there is purpose, and that through him I can make a difference and make a change for the better.  So now I am going to Germany to spread love!  :)  Now, I am not EVER going to be the girl who throws religion in your face, I will lead by example, I will show love to everyone who walks this earth, I don't care who you are, what you have done or who you will be become.  Everyone deserves love, in one way or another.  

But that is all for now, I will write tomorrow or this weekend or next week, I don't know, it will be when I feel the need to write, hopefully it will be everyday, but there are no guarantees in life, so live each day as if it was your last and fight for the things that matter most.